giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
