Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
