I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
