OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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