I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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