I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
