If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
