it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
