I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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