it wasn't lemon gatorade
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My life is pants optional.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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