Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
