There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
