Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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