matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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