Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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