tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
