imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
