Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
