We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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