Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize