the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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