Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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