first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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