before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
