This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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