You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
