thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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