Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
