I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
