GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
