I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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