sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
