The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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