It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
