EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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