I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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