PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
do nipples grow back?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
