What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
