He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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