i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
