you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
