someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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