Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
