I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
