Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
