i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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