mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
