he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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