why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
