dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
