I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
