when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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