its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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