Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
