Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
