i barfeds in our rink
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
