god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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