broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
