I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
