help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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