I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
