they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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