I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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