I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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