UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
