So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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