hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
