I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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