What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you never un-have a 4some
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
