The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
