I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Small penises have feelings too.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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