UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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