i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
