i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
