I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
