What did we do last night that was yellow?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
