My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
