So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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