Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
