I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
