Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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