Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
where are my eyebrows?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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