Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize