That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize