I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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