Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
