So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
