GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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