My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
