remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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