You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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