His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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