two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
