Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
