You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
