Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
