How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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