kristin has been a bad kristin
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
