it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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