I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
