dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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