dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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