I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Green mimosas i think yes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
