oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
