the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
