I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
