Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Are we still banned from the library?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize