I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
