he wants to bone in the snuggie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
