You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
