I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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