everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
