its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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