Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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