took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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