Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
